We’ve been in QLD for nearly 6 months. And during that time, I’ve had a complete mental breakdown.
And it’s honestly been the best thing that could have happened to me.
Here’s how it went down…
Moving to QLD was part of a deeper yearning to pursue other elements of myself. After 15+ years of working extraordinarily hard on my small business and 20 years in the same career, I’d been feeling like it was time to fulfil some other desires in my heart that I’d put aside. I wanted space. I wanted more dogs. I wanted to be outside. To garden. To slow things down a bit.
It’s funny how we have these expectations of times in our lives that, in hindsight, are so unrealistic!
I massively underestimated the mental and psychological toll of moving interstate. Like most things I tackle in life, I was like: “How hard can it be?” It turns out… Really, really hard.
I massively underestimated the time to maintain a much bigger block of land and a bigger house. I was like: “How hard can it be?” It turns out… Really, really hard.
I underestimated the hugeness of many things:
Starting teenagers in new schools, finding new health care professionals, trying not to get lost driving around my local area, keeping my new trees and hedges alive in a brand new climate, surviving our first cyclone, keeping male and female dogs separated, making sure our cats don’t escape outside, learning about breeding, making new friends, finding new dog clubs, managing a changing financial situation, running a business remotely through challenges it’s never faced before, learning how to market and manage a brand new mobile app business, raising a puppy, navigating a car accident and insurance claims, being a nutritionist in an rapidly changing industry that feels like it’s losing it’s way…
(if you’re still reading this, thanks, but honestly, this blog post is mostly to help me get these things off my chest)
And to top off all the changes and messiness of a brand new life, I found out I was managing it all completely iron deficient and borderline anaemic. Cue massive anxiety, panic attacks, and completely falling apart!
Part of moving to the country was to help me with the anxiety I experience. I wanted outdoors, quiet, slowness.
What I realised is that you can’t run away from yourself. And here I was, in my dream home and everything I’ve ever wanted, completely falling apart at the seams.
You know what, though? I’m so glad I did. I needed to fall apart.
If I didn’t fall apart, I wouldn’t have connected with my GP, got some much-needed medication, been encouraged to see a psychologist, got a blood test, found I was iron deficient, got an iron infusion, and eventually feel the best I’ve felt in ages!
I have also never felt more at peace with the aspects of my life that are beyond my control.
Yes, I still feel frustrated and disappointed when things don’t go as I thought, but I can genuinely say at the end of the day, that no matter what happens, I’m content with who I am and unbelievably grateful for the life I get to live and all the struggles that fill it. Whatever the future holds I will embrace it with open arms and gratitude.
What a privilege it is to struggle.
Without struggle, I would not have a stronger relationship with my partner, received the help and support from my beautiful mum and mum-in-law, made new friends, and uncovered some unhelpful beliefs with my psychologist that I’ve been unnecessarily carrying around!
Today while driving into Toowoomba to x-ray Taylor’s elbows and hips to ensure she’s fit for breeding, it dawned on me. I was alive. I was currently living my life. This is it.
And this basic, yet profound moment made me realise how grateful I am every day to wake up, parent my teenagers, overcome business challenges, cook another meal someone will complain about, help people build long term healthy eaitng habits in a culture of quick fixes, vacuum up dog hair, clean my beautiful house, pick up dog poo, pull out weeds, pay bills and just be present and content in the mess!
